My letter to a 21st Century Santa. (Slightly modified for this forum)
Once again, sorry about last year's little problem regarding the burglar alarm and the SWAT team. I know it's unusual for someone to wire their chimney to a burglar alarm but in today's day and age you never know. And you didn't really mean that "I'll never set foot within a hundred miles of this house" statement, did you?
I also understand shortly after that incident the Air Force sent up fighter jets to escort you to one of their bases in the Caribbean. Why would you be upset about that in the middle of winter? Okay, it was Guantanamo but you did enter the country without a passport.
If you can see past all that and wish to start anew, I'd like to put a Tom Bihn Aeronaut on my holiday gift list. In black/steel. Yes, I know, I get all my bags in black or gray but I'm somewhat "colorphobic." I never know what color goes with what and if it's too bright, some might get the wrong idea.Not that there's anything wrong with that. (Oh, congratulations on getting the law changed at the North Pole so Prancer can finally marry Dancer.)
A few packing cubes would also be nice but I don't need a strap. I already have plenty of those.
Look at it this way, Santa, I do quite a few reviews for my website and while I have a Tri-star and I can literally see how items fit in it, I only guess when it comes to the Aeronaut. By actually having one, I'll help the handful of people who read my reviews make better choices. I know I could buy one for myself and write it off, but, I don't make any money on the site so I can't take the deduction.
By the way, Santa, is your workshop a tax-exempt, non-profit corporation? I always wondered because I thought I once heard you say something about off-shore accounts.
Yes, it's true I already have seven convertible carry on bags, but think of another one to be like jello; there's always room for it.
Oh, about the cookies last year. I thought it would be a nice gesture to make some homemade cookies for you. Granted, steel-cut oatmeal with flax seeds is not the best choice for someone spending hours in a sleigh. But how did anyone notice with you sitting downwind of the reindeer? Oh, yeah, all those extra emergency stops. This year I'll only get store bought cookies and will leave some Pepto-Bismol. How about fig newtons?
That’s all from me. I’ll keep my list short this year. After all, I don’t want people thinking I’m in the 1%.
My best to Mrs. Claus and the rest of the reindeer.
P.S. I heard rumors that Rudolph replaced his "shiny" nose with an energy saving one. Does that mean you have to leave 15 minutes early and fly around before it reaches its full brightness?